Sexy Little Things
by Suddenly-Blue
Summary: A Series of SLASH One-Shots. Various Pairings. Requests accepted.
1. Popcorn & Ice Cream: Dave & Rey

_A series of slash fics to get me into a writing mood so I can finish up my other stories. It's also a slight challenge for me as I've never done stories like this before, or taken requests. Getting out of my comfort zone a bit. Requests encourage._

**_SEXY LITTLE THINGS_**

**_Chapter 1: Popcorn & Ice Cream_**

**_Pairing: Rey Mysterio/Dave Batista_**

* * *

><p>"Rey?"<p>

"What Dave?"

"Popcorn."

"Excuse you?"

"You asked me what was my favorite snack on the road. Popcorn."

"Ew."

"WHAT?"

"Popcorn is gross Dave. Very, Very gross-ee."

"Are you fucking kidding me Oscar Mayer? How can you say that? Popcorn is like, the universal snack, of all time and space!"

"No dice buddy, Ice Cream is the universal snack of choice. Tru Fax. Oh and don't call me Oscar Mayer. I'll kick you ass."

"Whatever Rey-Rey. I challenge you to prove that to me, the ice cream crap, not the 'you'll kick my ass' part, we all know that's an impossibility."

"Protect your testes tonight Dave, instead of playing with them lovingly, I'll destroy them with a hammer."

"OUCH! Well, I do like rough play…"

"PERVERT!"

"What? I can't whisper sweet nothings to my lover now?"

"I didn't say you couldn't, You just have a filthy mind, always turning something innocent into something sexual, like the time I was sucking on a lollipop. You and John couldn't stop staring at me. It was very creepy."

"God you blew that lollipop so fucking good…"

"Again, you're a pervert."

"Whatever. All I know is that I won the ultimate prize, you. Cena lost."

"So I'm some sort of game that is to be won? A prize that's to be obtained?"

"Maybe…Insert chuckles."

"Dave."

"Rey."

"Ugh."

"Popcorn."

"I'm tired Dave. I want to go to sleep. Move over and don't steal the blankets from me again."

"OK fine, but remember one thing: Popcorn."

"Goodnight Dave."

"Night Rey-Rey. I love you."

"I love you too ice cream."

"Ice Cream: melts in you mou—"

"GOODNIGHT DAVE!"


	2. Assembly Required: Miz & Alex

**SEXY LITTLE THINGS**

**Chapter 2: Assembly Required**

**Pairing: The Miz/Alex Riley**

* * *

><p>"All right so…the instructions say that part D4 needs to be connected to part F8 using screws A3, A4 and—"<p>

"OK enough Alex. Seriously I can't even begin to comprehend ANY of this nonsense! It's too fucking difficult and you know how my brain turns to baby food mush having to assemble furniture, especially this…this TYPE of device. Time to throw in the towel."

"Mike, we have to assemble this thing! I WANT IT! I NEED to do this. You have no idea."

"Ugh stop whining Alex. What are you like 12 years old or something?"

"I'm NOT whining! I'm just…curious. Yeah curious, that's all. Just curious."

"Curious? Why? Because you seen Hunter and Shawn do this before? What is it about them that makes you so obsessed with what they're doing?"

"I just…I want to be a bit more, spontaneous, that's all. Isn't that what you want Mike? A more spontaneous boyfriend?"

"Well sure I guess but…can't we just—"

"No sir. I WANT to do this. It's not as complicated as it may seem Mike. We just need to take a deep breath and try again. Now hand me the screws."

"Fine. Here you go. I just wonder if all this work…"

"It will be worth it. Trust me. Now, D4-F8. Hand those over."

"Here."

"Great. Fits perfectly."

"What do you want me to do now Alex?"

"Just um..stand right…THERE! Yes, that spot, by the bench."

"What the fuck am I gonna do right here, in this spot?"

"Shut up, put on you're wrestling gear and wait for me to finish assembling this Love Swing so I can fuck the shit out of you on it."


	3. Desperate Houseman: Miz & Jack

**SEXY LITTLE THINGS**

**Chapter 3: Desperate Houseman**

**Pairing: The Miz/Jack Swagger**

* * *

><p>"Um ok. This is um…interesting."<p>

"What?"

"Nothing Jack. It's just…um…"

"You don't like my cooking, do you?"

"No—"

"I KNEW IT!"

"NO! That's not what I was gonna say. What I meant was—"

"What did you mean Mike? I have been slaving ALL WEEK over this Grilled Shrimp Alfredo and—"

"I meant, no I don't not like your cooking."

"What? That doesn't make any sense. And people say I'm the one with speech issues."

"I mean…I DO like your cooking."

"But you said that you DIDN'T like it…?"

"No, I said, or was gonna say 'No baby I DO like your cooking'. This taste VERY good."

"You're just saying that to be nice Mike. You don't have too. If it taste awful, then just say so."

"No, I'm not trying to be nice. I mean I am trying to be nice. I…really it's…ugh all right fine. It's terrible. There, I said it. This meal is just fucking awful."

"I knew it!"

"Jack…"

"NO! Don't look at me!"

"Drama Queen much?"

"I knew I should have done Paula Deen instead of Rachel Ray…"

"You fucked Rachel Ray?"

"Dumb-ass! I meant I should have followed a Paula Deen recipe instead of a Rachel Ray one. Idiot."

"Relax! I was just joking Jack. You need to ease up sweetie. Nothing to be upset about. How about we order takeout instead OK? I'll cook next time. I know how much you LOVE my meals. I'm a domestic god."

"Whatever you say. I just wanted to make you dinner for once. Sorry I messed things up."

"Aw Jack Don't pout baby. Save that for the bedroom. Insert devilish smirk."

"Wipe that grin of your face buddy. Besides, what are we gonna do about this meal? I'm not gonna just toss it out you know."

"Oh I figured as much. Don't worry it will go to good use. I'll put it in a plastic container and give it to Michael Cole."


	4. UNI BB: John & Randy

**SEXY LITTLE THINGS**

**Chapter 4: U-N-I BB**

**Pairing: Randy Orton/John Cena**

* * *

><p>"There, done! Give me them points!"<p>

"Ugh John…"

"What?"

"Phonecrastinate is not a word dummy."

"Yes it is! I just said it. Phonecrastinate. How isn't it a word if I can say it?"

"It's not in the dictionary, not like it would be anyways you idiot. Besides, the ability to say a word isn't grounds enough for it to be a legit word. It has to be in the dictionary."

"I'm sorry Randy if you have a hard time grasping this very simple concept but Phonecrastinate is indeed a legit word. I use it all the time."

"No you don't! I've not once heard you say the word Phonecrastinate. And what exactly does Phonecrastinate mean anyways? Not like I'm dying to know or anything."

"Phonecrastinate; verb. Meaning: 'to put off answering the phone until the caller ID displays the incoming name and number, allowing you to effectively screen a caller and put that bitch on Voice Mail if need be'."

"Really John, really? Are you serious?"

"Yes. Don't act like you don't do the same too. It's a known fact that 99.233451986322% of the planet's population with access to a phone does it. Telemarketers and Debt Collectors around the world are butthurt over the invention of Caller ID."

"Butthurt? Wha— you know what? I don't' want to know. First you make up a word so you can win some stupid game, and now your giving me bogus statistics on phone users too?"

"First of all RANDALL, I didn't make up that word, and second, I read that phone statistic on Distilled dot com. Now give me them points please kind sir! It is Valentine's Day after all. Don't you L.O.V.E, L.O.V.E., L.O.O.O.V.E. me?"

"No."

"R.A.N.D.Y.Y.Y. B.B. Y. R. U. L. V. N. M.E.—"

"GOD YOU DO THIS EVERY FUCKING TIME WE PLAY SCRABBLE! IF YOU CAN'T FOLLOW THE RULES THEN I WON'T EVEN ATTEMPT TO PLAY THIS FUCKING GAME WITH YOU ANYMORE. THE RULES ARE SIMPLE, YOU CAN SPELL OUT ANY WORD WITH YOUR LETTER PIECES AS LONG AS IT'S IN THE DICTIONARY. YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE UP WORDS—"

"i'm not making up words dear. Phonecrastinate IS a real word. Just calm down baby. It's not serious."

"Don't tell me to calm down Cena. This weekend is a total bust and I'm pissed off."

"Look, I'm sorry we couldn't go to Aspen for Valentine's Day like you wanted. I'm Sorry but I just didn't want to be in Colorado all weekend with a vomiting Michael Cole bunking next door to our cabin. Something he ate must have been pretty vile for him to get sick like that so quickly. Jerry is taking care of him though."

"Well that's what he gets for eating Grilled Shrimp Alfredo given to him by an unknown person. He deserves what he got."

"Sure Randy. Now back to my points…"

"Oh yeah? Here John, take this laptop and type that made-up word in the search bar. Find Phonecrastinate for me, right now, do it. Bet you can't."

"Baby, you should realize I can do anything."

"Sure John…"

"Alright. Here. Phonecrastinate. There."

"What the fuck? What is this?"

"UrbanDictionary dot com"

"Unbelievable…"

"You told me to find Phonecrastinate in a dictionary and I did. There, clearly I have defeated you. Now those points please?"

"This isn't Webster's John, therefore it doesn't count! No points for you. Now if you wanna spell out something else your more than willing to do so, otherwise I'm going to bed early tonight."

"Alright fine. Just give me a second…There. Done."

"C-E-N-T-O-N…John, what the fuck is Centon?"

"That's how I spell you and I baby. Happy Valentine's Day Randy."


	5. Clone Wars: Dave & Rey

**SEXY LITTLE THINGS**

**Chapter 5: Clone Wars**

**Pairing: Dave Batista/Rey Mysterio**

* * *

><p>"I HATE that guy. Fucking asshole. Who the hell does he think he is huh?"<p>

"David…"

"No Rey! It's not going to work, not this time."

"Don't you think you're overreacting JUST a little bit? I don't understand exactly what the big deal is anyway."

"You don't understand? Seriously Rey? You don't understand?"

"Look, I get that you're upset, but I'm telling you it's no big deal. Not even in the slightest. I just think you being a bit…jealous."

"JEALOUS? JEALOUS? You know full well what that guy represents! He's a threat!"

"I understand where you're coming from, but I gotta tell you Papi, you are indeed overreacting. Mason Ryan is not a bad guy! You should be flattered that people are calling him the next incarnation of The Animal Batista, Batista v2.0, Batista two, Batista's baby bro, Batista—"

"Stop it Rey."

"OK OK. He's a pretty sweet guy and—"

"Oh so you think he's sweet now?"

"Dave, give it up."

"NO!"

"Ugh. Well can you please stop pacing around? You're making me dizzy."

"This guy thinks he can just walk right in and take what's mine? He thinks it's OK to just slip himself into MY territory and steal what matters most to me in this entire world? And why the fuck do people say he looks like me huh? He looks NOTHING like me."

"Dave, first of all, your paranoid and acting like a pre-pubescent boy who just lost his World of Warcraft account to some lame hacker. And second, you're joking right? Mason is like the little brother you never had, a Welsh carbon copy of yourself LOL."

"THAT'S NOT FUNNY REY! Ugh, you just don't get it. I don't like him, at all."

"Why? Cause you feel threatened by him? You think he's going to eclipse your entire career by being a bigger and better version of yourself? The WWE could never replace you Dave."

"No, but you could…"

"What? What do you mean?"

"I saw him talking to you last week Rey. He…he was flirting with you, wasn't he? That's why I'm pissed Rey. Cause he was hitting on you, or so it looked like it."

"Oh. I thought you were upset that people were comparing him to you."

"What? Oh god no. I don't care about that shit. I care about you. Besides, if he does look like me, as said by you, acts like me, hell even dresses like me, then…"

"Then what Dave?"

"Then you'll replace me with my younger, hotter clone."

"I don't want him Dave, or anyone else for that matter. You should know that you're the only person I want to be with."

"But he looks exactly like me, or so I'm told by random, basic bitch haters like Cena."

"Well…he is like your 'mini me' in a sense. The resemblance is VERY canny."

"Nope. I don't see it. Not at all."

"Yeah right!"

"HE LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME! Besides, he reminds me of Goldberg. Yep, that's who he looks like, Bill Goldberg."

"OK. Um Dave one thing, remind me, when you first started in the WWE, what was it that the fans chanted during your matches again?"

"Rey, don't."

"Answer me Dave."

"Stop it."

"I can't quite put my finger on it… What was it again?"

"ENOUGH!"

"Nope, that wasn't the word they used. Say it Dave. What did they chant?"

"Rey…"

"Say it."

"Goldberg, they chanted…Goldberg."


	6. STAN Wars! Round 1: Jeff & Matt

**SEXY LITTLE THINGS**

**Chapter 6: STAN WARS! Round 1**

**Pairing: Jeff Hardy/Matt Hardy**

* * *

><p>"OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG! This is going to be soooo epic! I cannot wait. Seriously I just want to die like right now."<p>

"I can help you with that if you'd like Jeff…"

"Matt, stop it. You promised you'd go with me to this concert, AND you promised not to be so bitchy about it."

"Sure I promised I'd go with you, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it, because I do not feel happy about it. I can't even believe you like this fool."

"STOP IT! She's not a fool!"

"My bad. She's not a fool, she's a fucking zombie! She's drugged out of her mind every single day of the week. Clearly she isn't the teen idol everyone thought she once was. 'Princess of Pop' my ass. Take off the illegitimate crown cause you don't deserve it."

"Britney Spears is just going through a tough moment in her EPIC career, a bump in the road if you will. Give her a chance Matt. She'll reclaim the crown from Rihanna, Beyoncé, Lady GaGa, and the soon-to-be mini-threat Willow Smith soon enough."

"Britney Spears is a fucking joke. The ONLY reason that I'm going to this concert with you tonight is so that…well…you know, you'll let me try out that thing I wanted to do for a while now."

"And you're not getting that if you keep up this 'hater-chat' all night. I expect you to behave at the arena. I'm not going to miss a single twirl, hip thrust or dance battle on stage that the goddess Britney will surly bring us tonight. AND DON'T EMBARRASS ME!"

"Goddess? Oh geez Jeffrey. She overcompensates by dancing so her basic bitch fans won't notice her awful attempt at what she calls lip syncing."

"Matt, just because you STAN for non-relevant factors like Christina Aguilera, doesn't mean you can insult my fav like that."

"STAN?"

"STAN = STalker fAN. A term use for passionate people in regard to their favorite singers or bands. STAN."

"Ugh. You and your terms Jeff. Get that one from John Cena did you, which of course he most likely got from UrbanDictionary Dot Com."

"Nope I didn't get that from John. And besides, you love my other terms like 'Basic Bitch'. You use it all the time so you have no room to complain."

"Yeah I use some of your terms, to describe your stupid choices in the singers you 'STAN' for. Speaking of Christina Aguilera, I like her. She's very talented, miles above Britney for sure."

"Oh Matthew. Get a fucking grip on the pearls around your neck. My fav shits all over your fav. Xtina Aguilera is over it's so funny."

"At least Christina can sing…"

"MATT!"

"Sorry! God help me. I just want this night to be over all ready."

"Whatever. I have to finish getting ready. Where are my fingerless gloves?"

"On the night stand. Christina is great by the way. You're just jealous that she won the Grammy for Best New Artist back in 2000 and Britney lost."

"Ew! She's like a Lady Gaga wannabe. FLOPonic, her latest music album is a fucking mess. She tried too hard and it didn't work out for the Cindy Lauper look-a-like."

"BIONIC was a good album. I liked it. Your 'goddess' as you've called her hardly does anything worthy of anyone's attention, except maybe TMZ's.

"And yet she stays relevant Matt. Britney is the superior superstar. Admit it."

"Don't force me to lie Jeff."

"Idiot. Stay mad then."

"Sure thing sweetie."

"Ugh. Alright I'm ready to leave. You gonna behave or what?"

"Yeah I'll behave. I'd rather be at a Christina concert, but whatever. I'll deal with this for the time being, just for you of course."

"Thanks. It won't be that bad Matt, I promise. Just bear with me for the night and all will be good, OK?"

"It better be, or I swear…"

"Hush fool. You won't do anything."

"I'll taser you until your balls ache."

"Hmm…how interesting."

"It was meant to SCARE you, not AROUSE you, fucking slut."

"Well, you know how I love to try out new things dummy. Besides, you're the one who wants me to try impaling myself on a 3 inch wide dildo later tonight after the concert, per our agreement of course."

"Yeah, I know."

"Well, lets go and enjoy ourselves. I'm ready to get out of here."

"Alright. Let's head out."

"Matt?"

"What Jeff?"

"If I said I want your bod-y now, will you—"

"Be a genie in a bottle?"

"DAMMIT MATT!"


	7. Masked Face: Wade & Drew

**SEXY LITTLE THINGS**  
><strong>Chapter 7: Masked Face<strong>  
><strong>Pairing: Wade BarrettDrew McIntyre**

* * *

><p>"WADE! WADE YOU BACK HERE?"<p>

"I'M IN HERE DREW!"

"Wade why haven't ya come back to the hotel yet? I've called your cellphone but it kept going straight to voicemail so I started asking around to see if maybe ya'd gone to a club or something to get blootered but no one's seen ya so then I went out on a hunch and came back here to the arena to see if ya were still in the locker room and well…here ya are, to my surprise. My question is…why?"

"Sorry, I…I just needed to be alone for a moment, that's all. No big deal."

"Ya could have at least called me and let me know what was going on Wade. I was a bit worried."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"So…what's bugging ya?"

"You know what's bothering me Drew. To be honest I don't want to talk about it right now."

"OK. I can't force it out of you so I won't try, but I just hope you understand that I love you and hope that you will—"

"My entire wrestling career I've always been 'the bad guy', the bastard who's always looking out for himself and cares for no one else. I hate it! Some guys thrive on being heels and I guess that's fine for them and their careers, but I just don't feel comfortable being a heel. I'd rather be—"

"A Face?"

"Yeah."

"Aye, I understand."

"Look Drew, I don't want to drag you into my mess. You should just go back to the hotel and—"

"I'm not going anywhere Wade. You might not want to talk about it and that's fine, but I'm staying here with ya. You shouldn't be alone, soaking in depression like this. Besides, I heard a bit of rumors about Sheamus and Evan doing 'stuff' after hours in these locker rooms. I don't want ya to stumble upon them doing anything…odd."

"Thanks babe for THAT image."

"HA! Yeah I know. Look, you'll get your opportunity to turn face, I'm sure of it. You just gotta wait for your moment to come."

"Sheamus's moment has already come for him. Lucky bastard."

"He's Irish. Of course he's lucky!"

"Sure. um Drew, why are you grinning at me like an idiot?"

"Because you're so adorable Wade."

"Excuse me?"

"Your angst about being perceived as this horrible bloke on TV tells me that you anything but. You're the man I fell in love with when we first met. You're the nicest, most humble human being I've ever met. I can't wait for the whole world to see that one day, to see the Wade I know best. Now, shall we leave here and head back to the hotel where we can develop our own storyline? I'd love to be on the receiving end of a Wasteland."

"Be careful what you wish for McIntyre. I may hate being a heel on TV, but in the bedroom, it's a different story."


	8. Sun Filled Adventure: Sheamus & Evan

**SEXY LITTLE THINGS**

**Chapter 8: The Great White's Sun-Filled Adventure**

**Pairing: Sheamus/Evan Bourne**

* * *

><p>"Awwww. Doesn't this feeeeeel just great? I'm in total amazement how wonderful this feels. Paradise doesn't compare to this utter bliss."<p>

"I'm sure that's true babe."

"WELL Stephen if you'd lose the 15 million layers of clothes you're wearing and put that e-tablet away, you could bask in this luxury like I'm doing. Just let loose and be free from those constricting garments. Walk around buck-ass naked in full glory with no shame. The beach is for having fun and experiencing the wonders of your surroundings, not reading some cheesy Celtic comic book. Put that electronic device away and sun bathe with me."

"Thanks fella but I'll pass on that."

"Ugh. C'moooonh! It's the end of Summer, we're lounging on a private beach in Greece, lots of warm rays from the glowing yellow ball up above, great wine and cheeses at our disposal, not to mention hot guys…"

"You reckon I'm one of those 'hot guys' you speak of?"

"Doubt it."

"Hmm."

"I DON'T KNOW! Take off your protective armor and let me find out silly. Show me what a Celtic Warrior from the emerald isle looks like standing at what apparently is forbidden territory for the pale-skinned."

"I can't get a tan Evan. You know I shouldn't even be out here with ya. My fare complexion is my schtick and the higher ups in the WWE would be pissed if I did, not like I could even if I tried. We talked about this earlier on the flight here remember?"

"Who the fuck cares if you get 100 shades darker by being in the sun for 2 seconds? Just lather in some Miracle Whip before you go out in public tomorrow. You'll be fine. Besides, who the hell comes to the beach, a private beach at that, wearing dark blues, a sweater vest and a button shirt? I know the sun is your natural enemy but c'mon Stephen! I sooo wanna go skinny dipping with you. You are sweating profusely love. You need to wash off. How about a dip in the sea?"

"I'm not taking my clothes off and I'm not going swimming in that filthy water Evan. Just let me read my comics in peace. You enjoy yourself. I'll watch ya from here alright fella? You know how much I love watching ya."

"You mean you'll obsess and stalk me from the safety and comfort of the beach huh?"

"Whore."

"OMG no you didn't! Stephen! I'm sooo not a whore. Want me to rub my ass in your face?"

"Maybe, but not now. My comics are—"

"SNATCH!"

"EVAN! Dammit give me my Kindle back!"

"NOPE! If you want it 'Great White' come and get it. You should be able to catch a whore like myself no problem."

"OK OK! Evan please give it back. Your getting too close to the water! Get back here! I haven't backed up those comics to my laptop yet!"

"SORRY STEPHEN! I-CAN'T-HEAR-YOU. YOUR TOO FAR AWAY!"

"Dammit Evan I swear if you—"

"Stephen. Come and get—oh shit…"

"YOU LITTLE FUCKER!"

"OMG STEPHEN IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DROP IT IN THE WATER. I—I lost my footing and...and—"

"Great, just great! There goes my life. Washed out to sea. You know how much I loved my Kindle and everything on it. It was attached to my hip! My hip Evan!"

"You're incredibly WHITE hip…"

"THIS ISN'T FUNNY!"

"Well…you should have just taken your clothes off…"

"You want me to take my clothes off huh fella? That what you want you little slut? COME HERE!"

"Whoa! What are you doing Stephen?"

"The only person who's gonna get their attire removed is YOU!"

"Omg no. Stop. STOP! Stay away from me Ronald McDonald wannabe!"

"GET BACK HERE! Shit! Now I got sand in my shoes."

"TAKE—THEM—OFF—FUCKER! HA! Come and get me now 'Great White'. You scared to jump in the water after me? Afraid Jaws will nibble at your toes for jacking his nickname?"

"I'll tell you what kind of chops are gonna be nibbling at your toes soon enough."

"Ooooh! Sexy. Gotta grab me first. You, salt water and the sun aren't a winning combination so I doubt you'll be able to get it. Ah too bad."

"Evan you don't know how bad you're gonna get it right now…"

"What are you gonna do Steph? You gonna fuck me silly til my eyes roll in the back of my head? Teach me a fucking lesson that sluts like me only respond to?"

"Yeah…"

"Well I'm in the water where it's safe and you are on dry land. You can pace back and forth like a lion patiently awaiting for the right moment to pounce on his prey but I'm not getting out. You're coming in."

"I can stay out here all day fella 'til ya decide to get out. No worries here. Starting to prune up yet Borne?"

"Nope. My silky smooth and delicious skin is just perfect in salt water. Sure you can stand there all day watching me like an idiot til I decide to get out of the water, BUT what happens if I drift…out…to…to sea? These rip…currents are—OUCH! HELP! HELP!"

"Evan stop playing around."

"Stephen help me! Something's—caught on—my leg."

Evan? EVAN! hold on!"

"Step—"

"Here I am. Come here. It's alright, I got ya fella. I got ya. Stop panicking I'm here, just hold on to me and breathe. There we go. You're safe now. You alright? Evan? EVAN!"

"Steph…Stephen you…your in the water…with me…and…your clothes are all wet. Steph…"

"Evan?"

"Take your clothes off."

"YOU LITTLE SLUT! You faked drowning didn't you?"

"Maybe. Now were both wet, in this big ass body of water with the sun blazing down on us. I got a present for you. Here you go. A token of my appreciation for 'saving' me."

"Evan put your banana hammock back on. Someone might see you naked."

"No way! I love skinny-dipping. Besides, no one is out here but us. Take your clothes off. Show me what a 'Sperm Whale' looks like. I know you can satisfy my curiosity, if only you remove your clothes."

"The idea is after a person has swallow so much salt water from 'drowning' isn't to shove an astronomical 11 inch object down their throat until they've recovered, certainly one they had trouble swallowing in the past."

"You bastard. Go ahead and wipe that smirk off your face. 'Moby Dick' is not THAT big."

"Evan, I know you just went through a traumatic experience and what not, but that's no reason to lie is it? They don't call me the Great White for nothing."

"O.M.G your so funny. Ha. Ha. Ha. But seriously take your fucking clothes off!"

"Alright! Might as well I guess. I'm drenched…There. Nothing left to complain about now right? I did what you asked."

"Awesome. This feels nice doesn't it Steph?"

"Sure. Why do I love you so much Borne?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

"Because I just do babe. I just do."

"I love you too Stephen. Stephen?"

"Yeh?"

"This is the last time were going to the beach isn't it?"

"Didn't realize you were a mind reader."


	9. Holiday Fiasco: Dave & Rey

**SEXY LITTLE THINGS**

**Chapter 9: Holiday Fiasco**

**Pairing: Dave/Rey**

"Dave, hold the ladder steady OK? I don't wanna fall and break every bone in my body."

"Don't worry Rey Rey, I won't let you fall. I should be the one taking down the Christmas lights from the roof though, not you."

"What? You don't think I can handle it?"

"No, I just meant, well…you're not 100% right now you know? You still nursing your injury and everything."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I can't take down some fucking holiday decor from our roof."

"_OUR_ roof?"

"I mean your roof Dave."

"NO! It's our roof Rey…if you want it to be—"

"DAVE!"

"Sorry! Sorry Rey. Got distracted."

"I told you to be careful with the ladder! It's very fragile."

"I got it Rey. I'll be careful next time."

"You SHOULD have been careful the first time. Dummy."

"Sure Rey…"

"Why don't we take a break? My throat is so dry."

"I'll lubricate your throat for you Rey…"

"OH ABSOLUTELY DAVE!…With some lemonade. Pervert."

"Ha! Can't blame me for trying. Alright, I'll get us some lemonade."

…

"Rey?"

"Yeah Dave?"

"I meant what I said earlier about 'our roof'. I want you to move in with me…"

"Not sure how to respond to that Dave."

"How about 'yes'?"

"This lemonade is pretty good. You made it?"

"Don't try and change the subject."

"Look Dave, I'm not sure if now is a good time, especially after what happened at Christmas dinner with our parents. muy malo."

"My mom was just…well, concerned."

"She flat out told you to find another boyfriend since I'm about ready to make a return to the WWE. Since you're not apart of it anymore, we wouldn't be seeing much of each other anyone once I go back."

"And that didn't sit well with your mother…"

"No it did not. I'll replace the fine China they broke during the scuffle."

"Don't bother. I didn't like it anyway. Besides, I don't think that's a valid excuse not to move in with me. Something else Is holding you back."

"I guess so…"

"Why?"

"Well…I'm just not ready. Moving in together is a big, HUGE, gigantic step in a relationship."

"Well, we've been together for like 7 years so…"

"True, but…Let's talk about it later. I don't wanna dig myself into a hole I can't climb out of."

"OK Rey Rey, I won't pressure you. Fuck I'm hungry. Is there still anymore Fruit Cake?"

"Gross Dave."

"What? It's fucking good!"

"You'd eat anything wouldn't you?"

"Pretty much, except for that funk poison Grilled Shrimp Alfredo Swagger made and fed to Michael Cole."

"Is Cole still in the hospital?"

"I dun know."

"I go look in the fridge. Dave?"

"Yes baby?"

"You need to train your mom in the gym. She got her ass kicked by mine."

"Fuck you Rey."

"Save that for later boo."

"That fruit cake can wait. What I'm really hungry for right now is your cake."

"But it's not even your birthday. You gonna carry me to our bedroom?"

"There's that word again. _Ours."_


	10. Reluctant Pet: Miz, Alex, & John

**SEXY LITTLE THINGS**

**Chapter 10: Reluctant Pet**

**Pairing: Alex Riley/The Miz/John Morrison**

"So…what do you think? You want to do it Alex? Do you think it's a good idea?"

"No."

"Ahhh! Come on baby. Why not? It will be FUN! I promise."

"Oh SURE it will be fun! For you and 'him'. It won't be for me. Not at all. Not interested."

"Of course it will be. I promise. You just gotta be open to experimenting and trying new things out. You're pretty rigid person."

"I'm not rigid! Besides, I hate this idea. Why do I have to be the submissive? Why do I have to share you with Morrison? He's a fucking tool. He dates Melina for years and now all of a sudden he wants to switch to our team? Fuck off man."

"He's bisexual Alex. Always has been."

"I don't like him. He isn't invited into this relationship. End of discussion."

"John is a nice guy. He and I have been close for many years. I promise you we will have so much fun. You wouldn't happen to be jealous of him are you?"

"Why should I be? I thought you guys were just friends, or was I lied to? You did lure me out here in the woods under false pretenses that it would just be us spending time out here this weekend."

"I didn't lie to you. We're just friends. Nothing more."

"Until now huh?"

"John and I live to serve you Alex. He and I will hardly interact with each other, if that makes you feel any better. We'll take turns recking your hole. You'd like that wouldn't you?"

_*Door silently opens in the background*_

"It doesn't make me feel better and no I wouldn't like that. I don't like him. I won't be apart of this…'thing'. Stop trying to convince me otherwise. You're the only guy in the world I want. I don't want some douchebag screwing me while you watch."

"Ale—"

"He's arrogant, weak, boring, one-dimensional. He's…he's—"

"Standing behind you."

"Shit."

"Nice to see you too Alex. Hey Mike, what's going on?"

"Hey John. You're here a bit EARLIER than we discussed."

_*Taps on Rolex watch*_

"Yeah. I just thought I'd come here and see if this is going to work, but I can see that things aren't looking too bright for me are they?"

"Alex is just…"

"'Alex' isn't cool with this arrangement Morrison. Sorry but I have to be honest. Mike and I are very much happy with the way things are so, sorry man. Better luck next time. I hear Santino and that Socko wannabe are accepting applications for a 3rd wheel. You'd be perfect for that!"

"I see…Well I'm kinda disappointed but I understand. Sorry it didn't work out Mike. See you soon."

"Ahhh John! Alex?"

"Nope."

"You're being very unreasonable."

"Excuse me? I'm sooo not being unreasonable right now. You bring this on me like 2 hours ago and you expect me to just fall in line? I love you Mike. I don't wanna share you with anyone, especially him. Sorry Mike dragged you out here John but I think you should leave. Mike and I CLEARLY have issues to sort through."

"I understand completely. Well, I guess I shouldn't let these go to waste. Here you go Alex."

_*Hands over a paper wrapped present*_

"A gift? Really? What's in it?"

"Open it and find out."

_*Tears away paper wrapping*_

"OMG. You didn't!"

"Um. Confused. John, what are those?"

"These Mike, are god's gift to mankind!"

"Wut?"

"They're blueberry-flavored Twizzlers Mike. I heard that their Alex's favorite candy. It was part of some promotion thing a few years back. They stopped making them recently so they are hard to come by. I thought I'd bring him a bag as a peace offering of sorts. They're—"

"AMAZING! OMG-OMG-OMG-OMG-OMG. Thank you Johnny!"

"Johnny? Really Alex? A few seconds ago you were calling him—"

"Do you have the green apple-flavored ones too John?"

"Maybe…"

"Wait, how come I never knew this Alex? I thought Mentos were your favorite candy. John how did you kno—"

"Well John…I GUESS you don't have to leave so soon. I mean it is rather chilly outside, right Mike?"

"…"

"Well I guess I can stay, if that's ok with Mike?"

"…"

"Of course he's fine with it. Come John. Let's chat. Where did you get these by the way?"

_*Walks away hand-in-hand*_

"Um guys? John? Alex? Where are you guys going? Hello? What about our fun night? I got some toys…Ugh."


End file.
